Discussion Forums

Nathan Foster

Very sad news from Vegas today, 58 dead, over 500 injured.

I am not going to say that my heart goes out to these people as such statements always comes across as pathetically patronizing. Whether you are a gun owner or not, this situation simply sucks.

The question we always end up asking ourselves is, how do folk end up in a situation where they feel that this is the best course of action for themselves. This is a very difficult question to answer.

I will not pretend to have the answer to this but there a few things I want to say.

Some interesting facts:

When a mother makes smiley faces and cooing noises to her baby, it stimulates the prefrontal cortex. Eye contact is one of the most important aspects of this fundamental brain building process. As she (and dad) continues to do this, it creates a sense of interconnection in the toddler. By simply smiling, saying I love you and with true eye contact, structures are built in the brain that will eventually allow the child to develop into a well functioning individual. Furthermore, the grown adult may show great courage / risk taking as this sense of interconnection extends beyond physical barriers (the concept of life after death is irrelevant, the person simply trusts).

In contrast to this, a baby that is raised by a very busy / stressed / depressed mother who means well, but does not perform these natural brain building steps with baby, will create an adult that lacks a sense of belonging / community / interconnection. The result of this can be the same as a mother actually physically abusing the child. How many millions of children do you think have been raised in this manner. Perhaps you were one of these children, whether ignored or abused by a parent.

Without this mirror neuron development, the brain develops its own survival strategies. In some instances, the personality will withdraw, in other cases, the person 'acts out'. Or, the person may swing from one to the other. Some of these grown adults will seek self development (which may take a lifetime). Others simply stick to their survival strategies.

As suggested, these are now known and measurable facts.

My point is that to build a strong person or a 'good community member', the foundation for this is love. And by love, I mean direct in your face, eye to eye love. We are fooled by the media into thinking that brave men come about as a result of harsh upbringings. The evidence proves the contrary, love makes us strong, it makes us brave, it makes us resilient. This research into the brain shows that we must first learn that we are lovable and to love ourselves. And by lovable, I do not mean lovable based on what we have achieved. The message passed on to the healthy child is that they are lovable simply because they exist. Then between the ages of 2 and 5 they will be taught boundaries- the clear meaning of the word no, without any negative emotional attachments.

It is only after we have filled this cup of self love that we can share our strengths with others.

If we do not at least attempt to deal with our fears on a daily basis and foster self love, then we run the risk of becoming reactionary, of wanting to control, of forming hate (anti) groups, inflicting pain and so on. If we do not foster compassion for ourselves, we may have little of value to share with others.

If we try to fix problems by applying more control, we may simply add to the problem by coming from a place of fear. Remove the guns and you get the bomb (Oklahoma - 168 dead). And so it goes around, the sickness remains the same no matter the form.

In my game, I have to muster a lot of confidence. I make statements online and through my books which opens me up to the public, this very post is a case in point. Most folk appreciate what I do but there are always the occasional hecklers filled with hatred. Isn't it odd how you can have a bunch of people pass on kind comments but then one mean spirited person can launch an attack and that this one comment can really bum us out for several days. Yesterday, I was attacked over a spelling mistake- yes, crime of the century. This sort of thing used to completely devastate me because I put so much effort into being 'good', of being worthy. But instead, it simply highlighted the fact that I needed to be kinder to me, I needed to learn to like me just for existing, without justification. These days, I find it much easier to deal with such comments. And yes, I make many mistakes and will keep making many more mistakes. I fumble over my words but still I treat myself as being worthy and of having something to contribute to the whole.

Quite often, our concept of love and compassion is simply culturally dogmatic bullshit. We are told to love others but at the exclusion of ourselves.

Understand this - It is only when we treat ourselves as having value and of being worthy of love, that we can understand the importance of treating others this way. With this understanding, we can contribute to others in a meaningful manner. It is most certainly not the other way around, even if putting others first appears to be more noble. In reality, such actions are often motivated by fear and we allow ourselves to be treated like door mats until finally we crack.

There are many things we need to learn if we are to evolve further. I place no such expectation on our species, we each have our own struggles and many folk are truly handicapped as children and may never find their way forwards. We can act with compassion towards such people by simply understanding their situations. We can learn to accept what motivates them but hopefully without becoming negatively effected by them. But we cannot ever fully control them. We simply cannot fully control others.

The best we can do is try to take a long view and to lead by example.

In the U.S, the right to bear arms is an affirmation - "I have a right to exist". This is a very positive statement with great intent. Poke a bear with a stick and he will most likely remove your head from your body. His right to exist is built into him, he does not need a constitution for this, humans need legal rights. Explain the same to a North Korean and that person would probably be thinking - 'if only'. He would not dare offer a verbal response for fear of execution.

Democracy versus dictatorship, the very extremes of societal expression. Many would agree that the balance is to be had in the middle. Yet free countries of the west are already heavily regulated. The problem lies in where this regulation begins and ends. At what point does the affirmation 'I have a right to exist' no longer hold true for the American citizen?

I do hope the people of the U.S can find a way forwards in a peaceful manner. Those that wish to further regulate their fellow citizens need to understand that the constitution comes from a positive place of respect for the individual. It is in its own way an affirmation of love. Therefore, I would ask that you take this precious affirmation into consideration as you move forwards. When you challenge the constitution, it reaches very deep into the hearts of many people. If you act with love as your motivation, you will find your way forwards and be able to work together. If you act out of fear, you will simply create more of the same.

My best to you all, Nathan.